I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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