I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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