he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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