I hope mine doesn't look like that
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
