Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
