We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
