turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
