News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
