"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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