You can't special order awesome
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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