he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
