There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
