There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
