So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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