somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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