im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
