I am puke
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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