i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
