we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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