I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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