I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
