I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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