i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
