i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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