A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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