im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
