you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
