it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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