i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
