I'm eating all of the evidence.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
