She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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