WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
