My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
