Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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