Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney