I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.