He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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