it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
