Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.