Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...