her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.