Someone shit on the floor
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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