You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
