drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have feelings that need drinking.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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