I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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