I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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