I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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