Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
