just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
