just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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