i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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