I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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