I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
