What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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