I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you inspire me to be a worse person
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
