somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
