Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
