dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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