omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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