I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
