I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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