i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
