I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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