This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
