Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
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You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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