i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
