i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
zippers are such a cool invention
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
